Doubts Galore...

Sometimes in the middle of the thinking process, certain extremely painful thoughts crop in. What if the people we consider friends and rely on so much, decide not to be there when we need them? What if all the trust that we are putting in a relationship is ultimately proved to be a mirage? What if we lose out in the competition? What if we never realise who we are competing against? What if the dreams do not come true? What if we get tired and give up in between?

There are no answers to these questions, since future is predominantly unknown. Positive thinking is the key. All the ships in the ocean would reach their destination - that is hope. Reality is we just got to sail in our own ship and leave the rest on time. Life is only fair.

Until next time
The Pink Orchid

Jealous Wife Speaking

I am back after a long time and again with something to crib about. The title speaks for itself. "Sunn raha hai na tu" from Aashiqui 2 playing on the loop. So is the problem serious? No! It's more funny than serious. My FB status today spoke about how the bigger I'm getting the number of "models" or "model kinds" are growing in his FB friends' list. Pictures are getting liked, statuses are being commented on as soon as they are posted (mutually). I know it's none of my business as there is nothing wrong with all this. At least nothing looks like I have got something to worry about. But again I am worried. Yes! Especially when I look at myself in the mirror. I feel I have lost myself somewhere and might be losing him too in a very short while. Look at what I have become. Big! No other word better describes me than this one. I think I have said what I wanted to say. I hope he continues to love me because of what I am and not drift away because of the way I look off late.

I guess I am not going to post this one on Facebook. This one is personal. This one is about my fear. I will just let this one go to the ocean of this strange world. I hope the waves drown this fear of mine...soon.

Irritated !!

Not having a good night's sleep, can make your day as screwed up as hell. Right now I am feeling completely drained of energy with no clue as to how I could get back to smiling. If left to it I dont even have the energy to talk today, or utter a single word to be precise. Not to forget, the stress and irritability that comes as a part of the package.

If the question is "Why did I not sleep properly?". Well I would blame that to the side-effects of preparing myself to welcome a new member into the family shortly. (Not going into the details, as there are at least a million books talking about the symptoms.)Yes, yes, I can't blame anyone and nor can anyone blame me if I do not come across as my cheerful self today.

Not looking forward to this day at all and I know that I am going to drag myself through it. Or may be as the day progresses, the zeal of life might be re-ensured into me. Ok Ok I know I am sounding extremely dramatic and I should shut-up now.

The Contentment

And another day has come to an end. The day was tiring no doubt. Office not that much but then cleaning the house, doing the dishes. Won't say that hubby dearest doesn't help. He cooked dinner for both of us. Only he has this capability of being sweetest sometimes and meanest some other times. But being tired helps. Nothing like breathing in a clean house with shining floors. Feels so fresh!! After all its my home and I should be taking care of it. If not me then who else will? Eyes are definitely feeling heavy. It was a beautiful holi and I'm going to bed with a feeling of content. Phew!

Scribbling Away...

I am staring at the letters and not sure of what to type I guess. Funny how I could have written about so much all this while but never got around to it. Reason? Well, things might not sound so exciting or even if they do they might not feel "right". Getting to be a mother in a few months and the journey so far has been a bumpy ride. Mood swings, fatigue, hunger and loss of appetite, or just being uneasy and not to forget all the lecture and free advice one can come across at this stage. But when it comes to "understanding" what I am in to, well, that doesn't seem like anybody's cup of tea. I too am scared of talking about my difficulties all the time, I'm scared of being labelled as annoying. But then I won't say that I don't miss a hand on my forehead, a sympathetic ear, a comforting hug, some patience that shows that "yes I understand, you weren't always like this. I understand your hormones are playing up a little bit. I then feel that even if all of this was available when ever I'm falling short of it, I might still be shedding tears about something else. I don't mean to call myself over-sensitive. I just mean to say that life is tough no doubt but I don't have to push myself to the edge all the time. I mean its ok to get upset, feel bad once in a while as long as I'm able to pull myself back up again. To top it all I can hear a baby crying somewhere. Not for long. Soon enough I'll have one crying, lying next to me and throwing all sorts of tantrums which will make me go "crazier". Anyways, scribbling helps. Sigh...

The For-grantedness!!

How sometimes one loses patience and remembers that this is the maximum they can take?
I have been ignorant and selfish while growing up. Now why am I saying that? It's because now I understand how someone who is being selfless and is always being there for you, shouldn't be taken advantage of. I don't know if I am making sense but I had to rant this out. I hope things get better and inner peace prevails.

Why Did You Never Teach Me?

You taught me how to,
Toughen up against the world,
Stand up for my rights,
Be morally right,
And polite.

You taught me how to,
Love selflessly,
And to keep the family together,
To understand and listen,
Be kind.

You taught me how to,
Smile in pain,
And not be afraid,
Be grateful,
And work hard.

But why is it that,
Tears roll down my cheeks,
When my forehead burns with fever,
Or when an injection hurts?

Why is it that everything I cook,
Reminds me of you?

Why is it that you never taught me,
How to live without you??

Mom, I don't know if I have said it enough number of times but I miss you a lot and I'm counting days to the moment when I will see you. I hope that happens soon enough.